I have put the ground rules that if he can be the loving person he has shown he is capable of-we can date and live in seperate places for the next 6 months-maybe even really miss each other and get excited for dates. You have a lot of mindset issues that would need to be addressed and a complete overhaul of the way you think about relationships. It is quite possible despite all these past problems; this character is in sustained recovery and may be seeing a therapist or attending a support group in order to avoid a recurrence of her symptoms. Thanks Rick, Mike I think you need to be a little more selfish, but not in an insecure way. Just step out of it. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. If the new supply is another disordered predator or conniver, the two of them will eventually cannibalize one another, in which case maintain a safe distance and pop some popcorn.
Remember that perfection does not exist. So i sent her a 4 page letter explaining why i said what i said…and told her i was aware that her issues and fears of her past are very real and we can even go get counseling together. For now, they claim to be afraid of me. For an overview of object-relations, please see my last article below, on the theories of Ronald Fairbairn, one of the founders of object-relations theory. Ever since I have left, we have stayed in contact. More like I was completely devoted until given reason to walk away.
He needs to work on himself. She is now taking her medicine and is clearly stable. Society Has Changed In Big Ways The world today is much different than it was 10 years ago or so. But my guard is up and my therapist is on alert. I feel so detached from things right now that it's easy to be overly confident that I can just walk away from this. And that in itself is just as hurtful. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood.
Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue. She constantly wanted to talk about problems and picked fights over nothing. You may also be the one that feels you need to leave at this point. I was searching via google within the first year at what was going on w my partner. My favorite example of this transformation occurs in the Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast.
Edit: to clarify, I took my stuff out that day and ended the relationship for good. Since we have been living apart he has deliberately scalded himself and has mixed medication and alcohol to cope with his suicidal thoughts. Devaluation lasted waaaay longer than it should have. So I've been really looking forward into my typical '3rd phase'. Liked by So many people have recovered from severe mental illnesses. It hurts immensely but I feel like our relationship wont work unless he gets help, which he flat out refuses to do.
And it was always on me to fix the problems when I was not the one responsible for them. Thanks for reading and for the comment. The next day because I stayed she took back her apology plus she told me about my replacement…. He,s told me he,d like to get married at some future, although not necessarily to me. When therapists talk about relationships we have something different in mind than what most people are thinking of. His mother tells me to leave him alone it will blow over in a month.
Many people find the strength at this point to leave and leave for good. Moreover, you got a very good point. You start to feel little or nothing about your situation other than despair or utter hopelessness, only responding to fires as they are lit and then settling back to coping with daily life and trying to keep them happy, which never seems to happen. However, she seems to change the story, and takes no responsibility for her actions, and makes everything my fault. Just before Xmas we chat again and I notice she was already back to online dating and has a new photo up on facebook of her and a new boyfriend a month after we split up. Masterson wrote about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and described this as coming in low, medium and high levels. I really have no questions after reading all of this stuff.
Like I always say, every Borderline is different. I tried to get her to open up as to why but she refused to discuss it further saying she loved me. Lie to me about his wife? Curious of what your thoughts and how me putting an order of protection against her like she did. But I let myself get caught up in the fantasy picture perfect life he envisioned and which I did too. I asked her in the last conversation if she is dating anyone and if she is I will leave right away, she declined straight away. You no longer feel hopeful for the future. We also went to a festival where I paid his way and he ruined my entire time by screaming at me the moment we got there off the flight.